


Passionate Pragmatism

by nbs4



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: :D, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Let's See Where This Goes..., Multi, Please Leave Comments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-10 14:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2028306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nbs4/pseuds/nbs4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin and Hange have buried everything they hold dear to them for the sake of those ideals themselves. Philosophy will become a part of this, especially Utilitarianism, my current ethical feeling. If you can get past all of my self-indulgence, this may actually a good story...almost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hidden Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

> Erwin Smith is a 14-year-old prodigy in the Training Corps. Nobody likes him except for that weird, scruffy brunette who constantly stays at his side.

One year the Training Corps decided to pair up third-years and first-years. The elders were mentors of a sort, teaching the younger students. Maybe they thought that kids are more likely to learn from their peers. However, no real improvement was shown, so they gave up on it. But for that one year, the students who were there then weren't just students, trainees, kids. They were people with feelings and thoughts and passions. Even through all this diversity, though, most of the third-years held an opinion throughout that year.

That a third-year and a first-year were in love. 

It was a blasphemous rumor, due in part to the fact that it's creepy for the third-year, and crossing a line for the first-year. However, this sort of rumor was fitting for the kind that followed Erwin Smith. 

When Erwin arrived at Trost for training, he carried 10 bucks, a grim expression, and a cold exterior. Anyone who dared to approach him was rewarded with a certain cool brashness. He excelled at everything, and out of intimidation bloomed rage and jealousy. He was like a machine. Cold. Emotionless. Calculating. Apathetic. So it was natural that when he, as a third-year, was paired up rumors would appear about him doing something nasty to his inferior. What they heard was that the opposite was true. He was relatively warm around that girl. So rumors changed themselves accordingly, and the rest...

Of course, this is a bird's-eye view of what happened. 

~~~

I hate waiting for my name to pop up. "Zoë" is such a dumb name. 'specially since I'm always last. 

As everyone finds their partner, I watch the pool of third-years dwindle. Until there's only one.

"...which leaves Hange Zoë and Erwin Smith."

I walk up to him. He's tall, probably 5 or so inches taller than me, and his blond hair compliments his handsome, yet still boyish face and blue eyes-

What's that? In his eyes...is that it? That spark I've only seen in the mirror all this time? I feel as if a puzzle piece has just clicked into place. So many questions answered, yet so many asked at the same time.

Suddenly, his eyes grow cold, and so does the air. "Are you okay? You've been staring at me for an eternity."

I may be poor; I may be an orphan, no better than a street urchin; I may be uneducated, but I am NOT stupid. His face crinkles as if he's disgusted and he turns away.  
Does he think he's fooling me by putting up a cold front? He's hiding something, something good, yet for some reason, he doesn't want me to see it. But I'm determined to get him to open up to me like that again. 

If I succeed, then maybe I won't be so alone...

~~~

It's been two weeks. I can't sleep at night without seeing her eyes, her smile, her warm-yet-manipulative tactics to try to get me to show off who I am again to her...and I wake up, sweating, remembering how I have to make her dislike me. It's the only way to protect her. But, yet, I want to hold her in my arms and tell her I love her...

My mother died when I was born. She bled out. It's my fault. My father trusted me. I betrayed him. It's my fault. I wish I could love again, but everytime I do, someone dies. Someone gets hurt. I can't afford to lose someone again.

I'm so goddamn vulnerable. My guilt grabs my philosophy, determination, and love and both eats them up and makes them stronger. I'm being held back and propelled forward at the same time. I want the world to stop so I can plan, calculate, and have her by my side, planning with me, calculating with me, keeping my vision steady through all the haze...but time will never stop. Not long enough for me to do away with negative feelings so I can accomplish my goals with ease. 

~~~

A piece of parchment read:

1) Maximizing humanity's happiness

2) Keeping each other happy

3(a) Prove theories right, uncover truth

3(b) Raise children (for recreation and for strategical use)

 

Hange and Erwin wrote their names at the bottom, smiling. At the top, it said "LIFE GOALS"

After a certain amount of time, Erwin couldn't hold himself back and he told her everything.

"I'm not afraid of death, or you, Erwin. Please don't worry about hurting me," Hange said. This was when they first kissed.

A certain kind of bond flowed between the two that kept them mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically bound to each other. As Erwin left for the Survey Corps, his training complete, Hange tried to restrain her tears so that she would look strong to everyone else. But when it came to Erwin, she felt no need to restrain herself. As he packed, Hange came up to him and kissed his cheek. "Try not to die, if not for anyone else then for me."

Erwin wrapped his fingers around her hand. "Our goals will never be accomplished if I'm dead, right?" He kissed her reassuringly.


	2. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Survey Corps is the real deal. Where things get done. Where dreams both fall apart and get realized. And where goals get accomplished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another chapter. I want to get this fanfiction on the Internet, since I've been working on it in my head for so long, so here we go.

* * *

 

Hange spent two years worrying. Of course, training was vital too, how else would she get anything done? But a common thought of hers was if Erwin was holding up well. 

She trusted him undeniably. But being in the Survey Corps was tough work. And Erwin was just a child, only 16 by the time Hange graduated. Still, she told herself, he ranked #1 in the trainee standings. Some called him the best soldier they've seen in years. There's no way Erwin Smith, the aloof, focused, ruthless fighter could lose, right? Of course, she had learned he was aloof because that was practical, focused because he was driven, and ruthless because he had no choice. He was a scared, lonely boy forced into struggle by a moral code and a series of awakenings. He had a blade as sharp as his mind, and the hand that held that blade was steady through crusade.

Hange liked thinking of him this way, anyways. The actual Erwin was a completely different person, depending on who you ask. His peers never liked him, never trusted him, deemed him creepy and somewhat sociopathic.  The training instructors were impressed with his skill, cunning, and motivation. His dad found him precocious and full of potential. Erwin feared himself to be sadistic, entirely ruthless, uncaring, greedy, misled. However, Hange idolized and cherished him. She loved every bit of him. His faults, his cracks, his unfortunate tendancies reminded Hange of the beauty of humanity, the very species they both wanted to protect so much.

After those two years in purgatory, Hange entered the Survey Corps. She had gotten lucky, being placed in the same squad as Erwin. As soon as she saw him, she made a note to say hello. There were people nearby, so she did it nonchalantly so that nobody would think anything of the two of them. 

"Hey, Erwin."

Erwin blushed, looking at a 14-year-old Hange for the first time. So far, puberty had been kind to her. Hange had blushed too, noticing Erwin's physical maturity. At only 16, he was starting to look like a young man. In short, they had both become increasingly attractive. 

"Hello, Hange."

No one though anything of the exchange. It worked well.

When the time came to go outside the walls, Erwin stuck with Hange to help her get adjusted to being outside. He showed her the ropes of controlling the horses, fighting Titans in a real-life setting, and other assorted tips and tricks. Hange enjoyed hearing his voice again, and Erwin enjoyed seeing her smile.

At dinner time back after the expedition, which had been relatively uneventful, especially since Hange had never taken the time to bond with her peers, most of them ostracizing her anyways (she felt bad that most of them died, but didn't feel a personal emptiness in her heart), she took the time to catch up with Erwin. 

"What happened while I was gone?"

Erwin looked away at this. "Not much. You?"

Hange could tell he was covering something up, but she decided not to prod him then. "Just...training, I suppose. I missed you."

Erwin smiled. "I missed you too, Hange. I was worried that I would die, since that would leave you in an unfortunate spot..."

Hange sighed. "Typical you. Even when thinking of your  _own death,_ you're worried about my happiness. I don't matter more than you."

Erwin suddenly got up from his meal. "I think I'm full."

As he walked away, he whispered "You do matter more, Hange."

The brunette was left alone, finishing her dinner, once again worrying about Erwin.

After dinner, she was asked to pick where she slept. She knew that males and females would be divided, but she had a plan. She picked the nearest female dorm to Erwin's, then snuck out at eleven and slept in his bed. Rubbing her cold legs against his, she noticed something odd.

"Erwin? What's on your legs?"

He sat up in bed. "...what do you mean?"

Hange pushed the sheets aside, using the moonlight to examine his body.

"Are these...scars? They look deep..."

Curious, she pulled up his shirt.

"They're on your chest and back too...and your arms...I guess the Titans haven't been kind to you."

Erwin sighed. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine."

"That must have hurt."

"...I don't know why you care."

Hange looked him in the eyes. "I'm concerned about you. Are some of these from bullying, as well?"

Erwin looked down. "Yeah...but I haven't been bullied since my early training days. Please, just forget about it." 

"Why does my caring bothersome?"

Erwin put his hand on Hange's. "I've noticed myself changing. I've become ruthless, several times letting people die. I hope that it'll all add to humanity's happiness, but what if I'm wrong? Everything would have been for nothing." 

Hange wraps her arms around Erwin, soothingly rubbing his scars. "All we can do is hope for the best and try to make a difference. Either way, I'll love you no matter what."


End file.
